A very long blog about me >< ^.^ =)

Mood: 65% to good
Music on Mplayer: 就是爱你 (Jiu Shi Ai Ni), by David Tao
Movie: Final destination series... [still got FD2, FD3... and coming FD4]

"People say you're going the wrong way
when you're simply going your own way." - http://pascalriot.blogspot.com/

p/s: 谁都不准干涉我！(who dare to stop me!)

This is very true. And it does happen around us, always! In real life, there are many nobody, or even somebody will advise you, you should go this way, you should not choose this, you should have this, you shouldn't have that thought in your mind, you should do this, you should do that.... zzzZZZ! When I become the person who get those "advices"... When I am in good mood, I would just listen and ignore; mood no good, i will just say out loud: "Hey! None of your business!" or "Hey! You have no right to control or advise me, get out of my way"... May be I am a lucky girl that have not much restrictions from my family to block my way. Too loosen control on me? My family will just ask me: think what you like, think what you want, then go where you like... Sigh~ even i don't have the guts to runaway from home to do what I really like =/ So, I have my plan B to get myself ready on the new track. Though I still yet to get used to my plan B, still complaining, still not willing to carry out my plan properly... until i get sick, right now. I think I am in depression mode, just a very low level, about 30%?

My brother gave me an advice, which I do really take it into account when I am struggling, considering and deciding my plan, seriously. "Do you still want to study? Do you really want to study? Do you really need to study?" He's very good in study, any field he also can adapt to. But I can't get my head into study, especially bioscience *joke*. I want to study, but is this the field that I really want to pursue? =/ I think my plan A is shaking my plan B very very strengthful right now... *earthquake*

May be i am just runaway from the decision i should made, through fallen sick, or i am just pretending? Haha! I think my headache and lack of blood flow is due to the pressure I felt these few weeks. The pressure of my head makes my eyes even more suffer (that's why I need to sleep so long time). Many people asked, how do you do? How are you in your new school? How are you in your new working environment? I am too lazy to answer these bundles of question... [i dunno how many ppl will against me after i post this blog, wakakak!!] I know everyone cares about me. Thank you all! People around me cannot figure out what's in my mind currently. I actually don't like to talk or discuss when I am yet to ensure what I am really get into at this moment, heaven or hell or earth? No one understand why i feel pressure or depressed. That's fine. Because I don't care about what people thinking. How I choose my way, how I take care of my mindset, how I handle my mood, my thought, its my own problem.

From here, everyone can see that, when i am under pressure, i cannot face people. My pride is important, my face is too important to me. I am a weak person who always pretend to be strong. (Why I defined myself like that?... hmmm... I dunno) If someone that can understand why I behave like that, erm, that one will be someone that really know me! Because I myself also cannot figure out why... Pressure, huhh. Someone know about my bad habit when i feel pressure. But don't worry. I eat very well recently, so "that problem" won't happen ^^, so far so good.

The most important thing now is how i can get out from the complication. If I have the courage to propose my plan A and go along with it, I think I will be very free and happy....

So, that's my pressure issue i face currently. Don't ask why, don't ask further. Just show me that you are with me, that's enough. I really hate to response why? how's ur feeling? what's ur plan? what's you gonna do? These even give me more pressure. I have to think how to response you first before I can think my problem at my own. .....

If I can cry... if I can share out everything... Everything will be different.

I hate people that is undecisive. But I am also a person that sometimes undecisive... bluh... haizz... means i hate myself too? hey~ dunno lah! I am a girl that act not like a girl. I can suddenly want eat this, then go buy this. I can suddenly need that thing then go buy that thing. When I get to know that Mayday's new album is out you will see me at CDrama or speedy video~ haha! I always have a very well plan shopping list, i buy things using my feeling, decide something using my direct feeling. But when the decision falls on the very important events/ matters in my life, i seems act super extremely undecisive. HEADACHE~~

I even go ask chinese goddess... where shud i go... Not funny! It was just a talk between someone that is trustable... someone won't betray you, and suggestion is given. The advice taken or not depends on me lah.. Similar like confession. I hope my life mentor or my most trustable person can give me direction, but they just leave me to decide my own, without leaving any words. I am not upset. The most important person that can direct me is my brother. But I think he already giving me 100% support. He wants me follow my heart. May be I will try to talk to him again?

I want simple life. I want to think in a simple way, pursue a simple life!

May be i am a way of too straightforward, but i need to spit everything out b4 i can sleep, cuz i originally want to write about myself as an opening de... then continue write on friends... i dunno why suddenly write in this way... make me struggle enough loh~ I cannot simpan simpan for too long, this will make me heart beating abnormally that makes me cannot sleep. I hope I din hurt anyone.. or myself. Please forgive me if i had hurt someone. Sorry! (the word i hate the most in my life) I chose a bad time to write. I should only write when this issue is cleared.

Just dun discuss with me about this issue, if i need you, i will go for you. Settled.
我也许太倔强了, 不肯认输! 也不容易接纳别人的看法。 怎么办？

Talking about friend. One of my brother gang friend, he's just leaving me for four years. I dunno why. But i understand. Really. Yesterday he asked me "how are you recently?".. these few words really the precious words to me ever! I am crazy happy after he replied to me! I sent mail b4... I msn him b4... i hv done everything but no response was given... He's my buddy who come over to KL with my friends to celebrate my birthday~ so touching! I dunno why they come and how they plan to come... scratch head! I m happy he CHOI me back. I wont take the blame on him, cuz the ending is good, then enough la! This make me recalled many happy and sad things during my secondary school.


p/s: my junior and my senior work hard to cheer me up at FB... i dunno want cry or laugh lo... very FEI ah... *vomit blood* ... but thanks them for their HARDWORK! I will treasure it well.