suddenly feel helpless when nothing i can do to help, at least show the best of mine to show my care and love.... but i know its not reachable.... may be just make him feel more tension and increase his dose of frustration??
from the day he suddenly told me that he caught in a car accident, i suddenly get stunned, dunno how to response... dunno what i can do to help... but i know i m weak and nothing i can help.... just a little accident, but its really killing me
i feel like every word i said to him can cause burden to him... so, i try to speak cautiously
this month is a mix and match month to him and me... looks like live stock chart? up and down every single moment?? ooopsss....
this is like what happened to my friend during June.. suddenly at the middle of the night i got the bad news and nothing i can say nothing i can do nothing i can talk to him to help him to show him the way.... but Gan Sheng Szan is the closest one to me, so i will just give it a try... try to comfort him, make him feel better, even i know its useless.... i know its very hard to drag him out, he;s such a negative thinking guy... I m a MIX (positive + negative thinking), but i can control my thinking, cuz i know everything is depends on me, depends on whether i want to continue to be depressed and runaway, or change my mind not letting anyone hurting me again, do my best to chase those bad things away... i would just give it a try... if i fail and fail and fail again, i will just surrender to GOD, maybe that's what He want from me....
today i get dragged by him, without noticing about that... my mind is all about him, worrying, get poisoned, shortness of breath, tearless, all those bad word came across my mind (*F, *S, *BS)... I can hear my hearbeating.... WEIRD... till i feel headache, until nothing i can do, i know i can just lay down and rest, mayb a short nap... I kinda hate myself at that moment... Now? feel better.... i think i can breath after the nap and his news... ya, he was MISSING today from me, at the RICH PEOPLE hospital.... I really hate that place much more than you think! I really want to throw thing when i get to know he din eat anything for the whole day.... That hospital is get onto my NERVES!! I dunno if one day i could have burned that place! Forgive me...
I m not mad about him.. i m not angry about him... i think i m just getting crazy and mad in love... I just hope that he can do his best to take care of himself, not getting hurt, not getting sick, stay healthy and happily, that's all i want... i never knew that work can be that stressful. bcoz work is something for ppl to achieve what they dream of in their life... family, love, material.... i thought only study and exam could drive ppl crazy.....mayb my view is abit different... i dont live for work.... work is just a stepping stone for me to get money, what i want is just family, love, material and my real self....
please live for me.... i just want u to be happy... i know its hard, pls do it for those who love you...
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