Where is my sun? I wonder
I should be grateful that, I'm still alive. I wish i can runaway from everything happened to me, i wish wake up no more to suffer. That's the thoughts of mine several days ago. If i were to require oxygen breathing equipment to keep me alive, i will take it off myself to end all these nightmares.... uuhh... so pessimistic and moody...
Today, i finally cry out loud. Everyday i was forced to wake up to take my light breakfast.... everyday repeat: vomit, drink Nestum, sit awhile, sleep again, brush teeth, vomit, drink water, eat "sweet", then eat breakfast. And i don't know when will end. I shouldn't expect it can be ended easily. It could be lifetime "property". Just only that I myself can control it, to change and manage my life. Accept it and be friend with it. From now on, one more bag on my shoulder, heavy. It is quite bad to bear it for long term, but it will be a good lesson for me, if i can get through it. Prepare for trouble! *Team Rocket favorite quote.
Still the same, I need to totally giving up chillies, ginger, coffee, pepper, sour food, high fibre food, and less fried and greasy food. BUT... the bad thing right now, my appetite still wandering at somewhere else. Could someone help me lead her home? So, I seems malnutrition and lack of energy all the time. I should eat with happy mood so that they can be digested properly, and at least absorb some. I'm quite worry if nothing can be absorbed , then i suffered for nothing, meaningless. As I read some articles, saying that scarring or injured intestine could affect the process of food absorption. Bo pi bo pi, must let me get the nutrition. I don't want lose weight anymore. I am already very de super DRY liao... Erm, it could be due to the vomiting and little bit of diarrhea, quite bad ho? But I really can't control my brain not to vomit.
Actually one of the biggest issues is... water intake. I really can't take much water. Four glasses already makes me screaming for help. If there is any thing in this world can substitute water, at least another four glasses of water -> to make it 8 per day lo... I know i already dehydrated, but i still need to time take water...
My mood quite affected after reading those experience sharing by other Crohn's patients... Yet, i have to know what happen and what will happen and what might happen. Plus, I'm quite suffering from the symptoms. At the moment, heart medicine is more important than others.
I will try to accept it. I hope I make no one worry about me. Every time I suffer from the symptoms, I can see people around me also worried about me. Me alone suffering is enough. I will be a good girl to cope this, will try my best. I want my tummy back. I want my appetite back. Many things to cope. Most of the food i took daily could cause flares... I need to experiment them one by one which food i can tolerate. And hope I vomit no more! Finger cross!!
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